The Ultimate Bad Luck Magnet

Themes: Comedy, Contemporary, Misfortune
Length: 1 Minute

[The character stands at center stage, occasionally mimicking the events they’re describing, like tripping over cords or squeezing a pretend wet backpack. They move with exaggerated clumsiness, emphasizing their comedic frustration with their own bad luck. The setting can be simple, just a suggestion of a classroom or hallway, to keep the focus on the monologue’s physical comedy and timing.]

So, I guess I’m a magnet for bad luck or something. Like, today, I’m just trying to get to class, minding my own business, and I spill my entire bottle of water all over my backpack. And not just, like, a little drizzle—no, it’s like Niagara Falls in there. My math homework? Soaked. My phone? Drowning. So, I’m freaking out, but I’m trying to play it cool, you know? I walk into class, and everyone’s staring because my backpack is literally dripping like I’ve been deep-sea diving. I sit down and—splat—I sit on my own sandwich that I forgot I shoved in my back pocket. Now I’ve got mayo all over my butt and the teacher’s giving me the ‘Are you okay?’ face, which makes it worse. So I’m sitting there, smelling like a deli, with a soggy notebook and a wet phone that’s making weird gurgling noises like it’s trying to come back to life. And of course, it’s the day we have to give a presentation. I get up, trying to be smooth, and—bam—I trip over the projector cord, and the screen falls. Like, literally falls down. Just crashes. I’m standing there, mayo pants and all, with everyone staring at me like I’m the world’s biggest disaster. And honestly? They’re not wrong.